Sunday, 28 July 2013

Is mummy guilt the worst guilt??

I'm 1 million percent sure that Mummy Guilt is the worst guilt in the world!!!!

And there is no worse mummy guilt than an accident!!

I had Honey and Rocco 2 years (minus 1 day) apart! So Rocco's birthday is the 17th September 2011 (which was Honeys Due Date) and Honeys birthday is the 18th September 2009!

On the 7th January 2012 Rocco was 3 months old (Honey 2yrs old) and i was making Honeys dinner in the kitchen! Honey isn't a big carbs fan (if only i wasn't) but as always i was cooking her some potatoes to go with her salmon just incase! So 3 little potatoes on the back hob with handle turned other way boiling away.

Rocco was in his baby swing in the lounge and Honey was just milling around! Rocco started crying so i went into the lounge to give him his dummy and within 15 seconds i heard an almighty scream and honey running out of kitchen!

She had put her chair under hob and tipped the pan of boiling potatoes all over her stomach and arm!!!
Her top was soaking in boiling water with steam coming off  - mummy instincts switched on and i took her top off immediately - along with all this burnt skin (horrendous) i got a muslin soaked in cold water and put it on me and her against it.  I rang 999 and an ambulance and a car with 3 paramedics was there very quickly (felt like forever) but was probably 5-10 mins max!!! The screams from Honey were just the worst i've ever heard!!

The paramedics were amazing! They put a gel all over the burns and gave her morphine etc - they got a neighbour to sit with Rocco and off in the ambulance we went.  Honey naked, me no shoes and honey had wet herself in shock down my trousers but this didn't cross my mind until she was stable! Nick saw the ambulance leaving our close but didn't think it would have us in it! Straight to the hospital and immediately to the resucitation unit where 10 doctors were waiting for our arrival.  Nick met us at the hospital once the neighbour had told him what had happened! Once photos were taken and the burns were redressed we were ambulance transferred to the Queen Victoria Hospital in East Grinstead! They were amazing!!!

There is a new technology out - they put silver on the burns which acts like a scab so that it doesn't scab and scar! There were chances of keloid scaring etc and due to her having 15% burns to her body it was super scary!!!  They dressed it and we had to go back weekly!  Honey was fine after she was bandaged on the same night as the accident - eating crisps and drinking juice and playing! And she was allowed home with painkillers etc.  I however wanted to die.

I drove us home from East Grinstead, as Nick had followed the ambulance in our car and i hated myself! All the what ifs and whys running through my head! When i say i wanted to die i literally wanted to run away and die.  Theres no other way of explaining how i felt!!! I felt like i'd let Honey, Rocco, Nick, my mum and dad etc all down! I was the worst mum in the world and for a few weeks didn't fully trust myself to be on my own with my 2 children.  No matter how many times they said "it wasn't your fault, your a fab mummy, it was an accident, don't blame yourself" All i heard was "it was your fault, your took your eyes off her, she will be scarred for life and she will blame you"

It was without doubt the worst day of my life! Even talking about it now 18 months after brings tears to my eyes!! After the bandages were taken off and we couldn't finally see the scaring etc it got easier - we had to massage her 3 times a day - we used an organic calendula from a shop in Somerset and also bio oil - and eventually it really healed well.  It exceeded everyones expectations!

Its taken me a while to come to terms with it all - and im now super cautious in the kitchen with the children!!! hence why many of my Saturday recipes are child friendly!! Its taught me a great lesson about how dangerous kitchens are and how quick toddlers are !!!

The picture below is the day it happened, the bandages on the day it happened, the day the silver dressing was taken off (see no scabs) and 1 year later!! Honey has been sooooo lucky!!! There are hardly any marks on her tummy - her arm is still a different shade and gets a lot darker in the sun! But with lots of suncream and long sleeve tops etc we keep on top of it!

I just wanted fellow mums and dads to understand that accidents do happen - with all our best intentions and cautious behaviour things do happen.  The NHS were simply outstanding - we really are so lucky to have such an amazing emergency service!  I can't thank them enough!!!

I hope none of you guys have to go through anything like this with your children - and remember we will always be the best mummy's/daddy's our children will ever have.

J x

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